Dealing with Defeat

I suppose I've been pretty lucky over my years. Not encountering failure too many times and finding another path when another seemed to wither away. What do you do when you fail? How do you deal with defeat? The classic story of Abraham Lincoln overcoming his numerous upsets should be inspirational to us all, but it's hard to translate a presidential story to yourself. How do you stay upbeat, rebound with a more robust attitude, and stay determined for success?

Getting a bad grade on an exam or in a class is not the type of defeat I'm talking about. I'm talking about something so important that this one event affects your future. This enormous amount of stress on your shoulders coupled with people rooting for you makes it so hard to believe the fact that you have felt defeat. Rising up to the challenge to work that much harder only makes the defeat hurt even more. What do you say to someone who has done nothing but encourage you and hope for the best? Even worse, how do you lift up yourself knowing there's another chance you could face defeat?

Perhaps every person encounters this stressful time, once, twice, many times, but there must be some internal characteristic about us that makes us push. Money, fame, satisfaction, revenge, competition, and personal ambition all can be that oomph factor that pushes even harder. I'm not sure which one mine is right now. In high school it was personal ambition mixed with competition. On my own after college it's certainly changed, but I don't know what is pushing me. Is it that bonus check once I turn in my document of success? Is it that party I'm going to throw when I pass all four parts? Is it the internal celebration that only I experience when I have accomplished a goal?

I'm trying to figure out my own way of dealing with defeat. It's hard to tell myself that I not only need to do better, but I also have to realize that I'm not going to do well 100% every try. Giving myself a day to relax and watch the marathon of America's Next Top Model episodes is helping cope with defeat and failure. I'm sure that busying myself as I usually do is essential for this post-relaxation pause. In reality, the world won't stop and politely wait for me to get back on the horse. I have to push myself and I know I'm not the only person   coping with an instance of failure. This is the breaking moment of every person where she knows she must rise up or look back with regret. So much in me wants to stop and give up because it's so hard and there are easier options. But I know that it'll be worth it, I just don't know how long it'll take. Nobody does. There is no timestamp on a dream.

Shutting out the what-if's, worries, and growing disappointment make me feel like I might not make it. What if all that I've been working for will disappear in front of me? How do I come back stronger? I'll be working on that forever probably. In this case I'll just keep working and moving toward that goal. If there are bumps, I won't wish them away, but try to deal with it. Yes, crying is acceptable, but can't let it consume me. That's silly. Wallowing in myself won't get me anywhere. I need to take the disappointment and make it useful.

My way of dealing with defeat includes frustration, anxiety, uncertainty, and embarrassment, but I know that giving up after one shot is certainly not admirable or reasonable. I will try again, and who knows, I might discover an even better way of motivating myself.